Tag: Discussion

Beauty is not just on the outside..

Hey Guys.. so. I have just started up a YouTube Channel and have posted a few videos. A lot of YouTubers.. well people in general like they can only go on camera or out in the world with a face full of makeup. And whilst that definitely boosts confidence and I would never knock anyone for doing it I do prefer to focus on what is inside.

If you are a regular reader you will know that I suffer from depression and anxiety and I have done for over 10 years. This has caused a lot of problems with how I perceive myself and how I interact with others. I hope that sharing my thoughts and opinions with you guys will get the word out there that it is okay to NOT be okay. Don’t hide yourself for anyone. Always stay true to who you are because you may make others happy but you will hurt yourself in the long run.

For so long I have wanted to do a blog and share my thoughts and feelings but I didn’t because I was worried about receiving negative feedback. I am a very loud and creative person by nature so having to restrict myself was counter-productive when I was trying to get better.

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So guys.. I know this is a sensitive subject and you may not feel comfortable sharing your stories, however if you would like to share please contact me on here or through any of my social media.

I am trying to get a few people together to share their stories and how they cope with any mental health issues.

As always , stay true to yourselves, be kind and most of all be happy.

x

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Soooo I made my first YouTube Video…

Okay so I am pretty excited but also very nervous. I can only use my phone at the moment and I was a bit mumbly at times but I am looking forward to doing more videos.

I will be uploading videos on beauty products i review as well as all my book reviews. I amy add some others about shows and films but I will mostly be focusing on books and beauty for now. I would really appreciate your feedback guys and gals.

If you like my video give it a thumbs up and subscribe please ūüôā

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The world is full of wonders to explore.. why not help each other along the way.

x

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2 against 1….First ever Poem. Free verse…scary times

Okay guys this is a big thing for me. Recently I have found the inspiration, whilst blogging, to write more and this past few days I have been thinking about what to write.

These words sprang to mind so I thought id share them… don’t be too harsh I am not an literary genius. I am just a common Yorkshire lass with thoughts to share so let me know what you think….

It ¬†is a bit long .. hope you don’t get bored reading it …

2 against 1

My eyes flicker as I wake.

Another day is dawning and I slowly rise from my bed.

For a second I feel good, but then I turn around and she is there.

“Think you could get rid of me did you?? haha.. no.. not so easily” she screeches, her voice sounding like a siren.

I turn away and try to shut her out.

“Ah, ah, ah.. come on now. It has been ten years already have you not learned yet” she laughs, with the eerie witches cackle that makes my skin crawl.

The shadows close in and i feel the darkness rising..

“No” I cry. “Not today!. Today will be a good day and you will not defeat me”

My body feels weak but I know my mind is strong. I reach for that little white pill, hoping it dulls that screeching voice that pierces through me like a knife.

I remind myself she cannot get to me unless I let her.

The urge to stay in bed, close my eyes and go back to sleep to shut her out grows inside me but I fight it.

My mind races..Every day you do this.. why? why can’t you just leave me alone to be happy?.. my eyes fill with tears but I hold them back.

I tell myself to stay positive and think about what makes me happy..Family.

As I step out of the door he appears..

“ooooh do you want to go out there?? really? what will people think when they look at you? are you really going to inflict that kind of misery on the world?” he sneers as he stares at me with his dark eyes, as black as night.

“Not you too!. ” i sigh.. “move out of my way”

I take a deep breath and charge through him as though my life depends on it.

For now the demons back off..for now my mind is calm..

As the day passes I play the role i’m supposed to.

I am becoming better at putting on this mask and costume to hide the person behind the character, the person people don’t want to see.

I hate it. It is so itchy. It feels as though I am being attacked by tiny ants and I cannot wait to get home.

Suddenly I can’t breathe, the room is getting smaller and it feels like my air is being turned off, the anger builds up in me and I feel ready to explode like a pressure cooker at any given moment.

They are here..*I can feel you..*

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in.

My lungs fill up like a balloon and as I breathe out I push them back down where they belong and carry on playing my character in this never ending play.

The weekend comes and I jump out of bed with all the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Time to go see the family and finally take off this mask.

I feel as free as a bird, as light as a feather and for a short time they stay away….but not for long

I go back home.. to my empty apartment, alone again and I see them slouched on my sofa rubbing their hands together staring at me with eyes can see deep inside me..my every fear..

Off to bed I go.. the only place I can go when I am alone and they cannot get in.. My dreams are mine and they cannot take them away from me too..

“Don’t worry ” they snigger “we didn’t get you today but there is always tomorrow”

“Good luck with that” I laugh even though I feel a shiver running down my spine as cold as ice.

Tomorrow is another day and I know they will try again but I am stronger than they think.

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Living with depression and anxiety is a daily struggle but the best way to deal with it is to just take one day at a time. Don’t try to climb a mountain in a day it will never work.

I would really like some honest opinions on this so let me know in the comments below

x

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Quote Challenge day 2

 

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Day 2 of the quote Challenge…

I nominate all who decide to read this post and wish to take part..

Sometimes you win, Sometimes you learn – Anonymous

Forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you – Anonymous

Before Alice got to Wonderland she had to fall – Anonymous

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one – Anonymous

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I do love a few inspirational life quotes now and then..

We need to remind ourselves sometimes that although life is hard and we are tested to our limits on occasion, if you at least try to overcome it you cannot say you failed.

Be kind. Stay strong

x

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SHOW REVIEW:  Game of Thrones 

Okay so I know I am a bit behind with this but What the hell..

I started watching Game of Thrones when it first came out but then I stopped and started watching other things. Before I knew it Season 6 had begun and I hadn’t even finished Season 1. I started watching it again from the beginning and wondered why I ever stopped Watching it.

Games of Thrones is an adaptation of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R Martin

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It is a series of epic fantasy Novels, the first of which is is called Game of Thrones. Now I have a confession to make…. I have not read the books, however they are going¬†on my to ever growing reading list.

Set on the fictional continents of Westeros and Essos, it has several plot lines and a large cast of characters. The first story  follows a conflict among competing claimants for succession to the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms, with other noble families fighting for independence from the throne. There are lots of intertwining stories and secrets that revel themselves throughout the Seasons and it always keeps you guessing.

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This is not the type of show you put on in the background and listen to whilst you go about your business, you really do have to pay attention otherwise you will lose the plot…literally. It is action packed from the beginning and it doesn’t slow down! There are too many characters to name and if I am honest I do still get a bit confused about who is who, who are allies and who are enemies, who’s good and who’s bad but that is what I love about Game of Thrones. Even when you dislike a character something happens and it makes you feel sorry for them (sometimes). It definitely is not predictable so if you do not like surprises this is not for you.If you do not like sex, blood, fighting etc , again, this is not for you!

The actors who play the characters play them so well. You see the younger characters like Arya and Sansa grow in to strong women. Arya is my favourite character and has been from the start. Always a bit of a tom boy, fierce, speaks her mind and doesn’t back down from a fight. I still cannot tell whether Varys is good or bad but I like that it keeps me interested.

I also want to take a second to mention the directing of the show and the production. The special effects are brilliant! The amount of time and effort it must take to produce one episode.. it amazes me! So much talent. I definitely could never do it. I feel like the production teams behind films and shows like this don’t get enough credit for the work they do.

I would definitely give Game of Thrones a 5 out of 5

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So what do you guys think?

Have you watched it ? if not why have you chosen not to?

What do you like/dislike about it if you have watched it?

Who is your favourite character?

Who do you love to hate?

Share your thoughts I am eager to know what other people think

x

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So people think I am worth reading???… Yes it is true

Well I have only been doing this for just over a month now and I have already been nominated for three awards. It is lovely to know that people enjoy reading my posts.

I have never done anything like this before and I didn’t really know what to expect but I really am enjoying posting reviews and other randomness that pops in to my head.

Blogger Recognition Award 

One Lovely Blog Award 

One Lovely Blog Award 

I hope that people keep reading my posts and enjoy reading as much as i do writing them.

It may be a cold dull Monday but i’m feeling peppy tonight ūüôā

hurray

 

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As a lovely young singer recently sang in one of her songs.

“there’s no better you than the you that you are”

stay positive

x

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MUSIC:The New and Improved James Arthur…

I have always been a fan of James Arthur. I watched his journey through the Xfactor with my family but it was obvious that he had some demons that he had not dealt with.

When he went off the scene in though that maybe this was another Xfactor artist that would just fade in to the background but I was so wrong!! (yes i admit it .. never going to happen again ) ¬†James Arthur came back in to the spotlight with a BANG this year with his amazingly beautiful, heartwarming song “Say You Won’t Let Go”. The lyrics are beautiful and I do not think I will ever get tired of listening to this song. Even if you do not like this kind of music I hope you can appreciate the artistry and the passion he has clearly put in to this song.

I think it is great how he has held his hands up and admitted he had a breakdown and he had to spend time on himself and his recovery and he his back now doing what he loves.

It is not about how many times you get knocked down.. its about getting back up,, dusting yourself off and moving forward ūüôā Enjoy the vocal stylings of Mr James Arthur…You’re welcome..

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Give it a watch and let me know what you think?

x

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MUSIC REVIEW: scars to your beautiful 

I have a very eclectic taste in music.. I love everything from dance, to pop, to rock to country.. For me its all about the feel I get from the song.. I love to sing so it is also a great release for me. Whether it’s to dance around my apartment and sing along to little mix, Lady Gaga, One Direction or some DMX whilst cleaning ¬†or lay down, just relax and listen to some Carrie Underwood I just love music.

I came across Alessia Cara¬†when I heard the song “Wild Things”¬†and I just loved her voice

I always listen to the lyrics of a song. I like trying to find meaning in them and I really liked the lyrics in this song. I listened to it for a few weeks non stop on Spotify, added it to my regular playlist and bopped along to it wherever I went.

“I lose my balance on these eggshells
You tell me to tread
I’d rather be a wild one instead
Don’t wanna hang around the in crowd,
The cool kids aren’t cool to me,
They’re not cooler than we are”

When I am in cleaning mode I love listening to music so I loaded up YouTube and typed in her name. I then found another song that I loved of hers called “Here

“Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this
An anti-social pessimist but usually I don’t mess with this
And I know you mean only the best and
Your intentions aren’t to bother me”

Alessia seems take an anti cool kid stance in a lot of her songs and celebrates being an outsider.

I have to say that my favourite song is Scars to your Beautiful.. The lyrics are so touching and the video.. the production of it just works so well with the song.

I would recommend that you check her out if you are a music lover.

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Who are your favourite artists?

What is your favourite genre?

x

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DISCUSSION TIME:Social Media ruins lives….¬†

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In this day and age most people have some form of social media account, whether that is Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Snapchat, a Dating app, a vlog, or a wordpress account. Personally I enjoy using social media to connect with new people and to stay in touch with old friends or family I cannot see very often.

Until recently I mostly used just Facebook. For the most part the people I have on Facebook tend to just share music, videos and photos of nights out, family, friends etc.. Some may have a rant now and then as we all do, others like to post quite serious status’ about politics and the economy but there are a few that¬†I would put in the Category of “Attention seeking Drama Queens”…

If you have a Facebook account I am sure that you all know of at least one person who would fall in to this category.. and these people get on my nerves. Now I am not going to write a long post about this (she says..knowing full well she could rant for at least an hour on the subject) but I just don’t get people like this. One minute they are happy and in love (after a week of being with someone) and posting every other hour about how amazing their partner is and then when it all falls apart the negative posts start to pop up on my news feed.

Any body who knows me knows I absolutely HATE when people say “Facebook ruins lives” or “social media ruined my life”….

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These are also the people that post cryptic status’ about how awful they feel, how mean someone is or how they want to deactivate their Facebook for a month to “clear my head”.. seriously!! and the people that fall for it and ask What’s wrong or what happened and the response they get is “it’s personal I don’t want to discuss it publicly I will pm you”

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Social media did not ruin your life.. the people in your life who stabbed you in the back or hurt you ruined your life! Social media platforms like Facebook are tools not living things. They do not have minds of their own and they are not out to get you. Re-evaluate who you have in your life and who you should keep in your life. If you don’t like what people say to you there is an “unfriend” button, a “block” button, an “I don’t give a crap what you say you neg ferret so go take a long walk off a short pier” but…oh wait… no there isn’t .. but you get the gist. Too many Trolls around trying to bring people down..

If used in the right way social media can be a great way to connect. My sister, for instance uses it as a Network Marketing tool to grow her two business! Amazing right!! A positive use for the tools we have been given..

It is hard to try and be positive all the time but if life was easy it would be boring don’t you think?? If we all try to build each other up instead of being jealous and nasty and hateful life will be all sunshine and rainbows….

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Well.. not exactly but it will be a hell of a lot better ūüėÄ

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#rantover

Everybody needs a good rant now and then..

What really gets your goat?

Let me know in the comments below

x

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DISCUSSION TIME:What goes on inside the mind??

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The Theories

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The big question.. psychologists and medical professionals have spent years conducting studies through focus groups, experiments, focus groups to try and delve deep in to the minds of the participants in order to determine what makes us tick. What separates us from the animals. Why do some people develop mental illness and others don’t. What triggers people to become sociopaths, murderers, rapists, paedophiles? I don’t think we will ever get to the bottom of it to be honest since actually opening up people’s brains and digging around is unethical.

Even if we were to find out how one persons brain works, every single persons brain functions differently, we all have different triggers.

Some studies and articles have suggested that intelligence can be linked to mental illness. I appreciate there are other sturdiest show the contrary and I am not being big headed but I think that in my case it could be true.

The assumptions and judgments

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Before anybody knew what I was going through. I heard people talking about what they thought of people who suffered from depression, anxiety or mental illnesses they didn’t understand. They¬†need to “snap out of it” or “get a grip”, “just be positive”, “what are they afraid of”. I have heard people ¬†make assumptions.. Saying things like “they are just stupid to let stuff get to them”, ¬†“they’re weak” “they’re pathetic”,but until you actually experience it or really try to understand what we go through.

I had to sit through all those conversations and grin and bear it and pretend like I wasn’t angry¬†and I didn’t want to scream at them and tell them how ignorant they were! how pathetic and judgmental they were.

It seems to be easier for some people (not all) to just make their own assumptions and not bother actually finding out the facts, which is really frustrating at times because even though we tell ourselves we shouldn’t care what people think about us, especially when they don’t really know us. There is always a small part of us that does care.

I don’t think that the media helps very much. A lot of the time any news relating to mental illness is someone committing a crime. If they don’t seem to have a valid reason for committing a crime or doing something it is automatically generally put down as ” a mental health issue”. Regardless of what people think the media does play a huge part in our lives and if people grow up reading stories about people with mental health issues jumping off a building and taking her babies with her, or some random killing then they are going to assume the worst.

The Truth

You may have to take a seat for this bit as it may surprise you… Brace yourselves..

Crossing out Lies and writing Truth on a blackboard.

There are a variety of mental illness that are vastly different from one another. Not all people with mental health issues are going to turn in to mass murderers..I know.. shocker eyy.. Take a moment to digest that huge revelation.!! 

I could spend all day listing mental health disorders and the differences between them but that really would take me all day.. maybe longer.. it may even turn in to a book… (ooo i have an idea..).. I digress. If you really are interested though go look it up.. (I am serious about this part)

What people don’t realise is that we are well aware that our anxiety, the majority of the time is just an irrational fear. It is not logical at all but it doesn’t change how our body reacts to the thoughts that creep in and take hold of our mind. The dark places it takes you to. It feels like a hundred thoughts run through your head all at once¬†and feel like you can’t breath, You then panic further because the thought of suffocating scares you to death , which only makes things worse. Trying to get out of that headspace and pull yourself round and calm down takes a lot of strength. Sometimes an attack only lasts a few seconds but it feels like a lot longer¬†and for that period of time the fear that you feel is awful.

The people that I have met tend to be very creative, the mind is always active. As I said before this may not be the case for everyone I am just speaking from my personal experience. Some people have been in to music, some love art, some are physically active, and others love creating things with their hands.

My Experience

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Unfortunately I am not the most physically active. I have been told I am an all or nothing kind of person and I tend to agree. When I am fully invested in a task and I am on track I can do really well, however when I go of course I don’t just go off slightly: I totally de-rail, Roll down the hill, flip over a few times, crash in to a wall and burn ( I also have a flare for the drama.. can you tell???).¬†

Even when I am my lowest point my mind is still going at full speed. As soon as I have an idea I have to write about it or say it before it goes. I am constantly thinking about random things,, my mind is never just quite. I tried meditating before but I ended up on my laptop researching the pros and cons of meditating and the history of mindfulness (seriously). I hate the thought of going on planes. When my family went on holiday without me I was constantly worried and thinking of the worst case scenarios until they landed. I do go on holiday but until we are up in the air I am constantly thinking of the difference ways I could die, What if my family died and I didn’t, would I want to carry on, What would I do by myself?.. Yes this seems irrational and dramatic but those are the thoughts that run through my mind and I struggle to push them back.

I worry all the time, about everything. I may come across as being loud and happy but it is mostly just a front.  I am always thinking, What if this happened? I am always thinking worst case scenario. I always worry about going outside. Are people staring at me? Why are they looking at me?  Even when I am happy the thoughts are always there in the back of my mind, all the different ways I could lose it. 

It is a struggle to stay positive every single day but with the help of my family and my close friend I am doing a hell of a lot better than I was 2/3 years ago. It is difficult to do but I just take every day , one day at a time and try to focus on there here and now and enjoying the time I have with the people I love. The best way I have found to cope with this crappy illness on a day to day basis is when I wake up think of just one positive thing, one thing that makes me happy, one thing to keep going for. For me it always comes back to my family. Watching my nephews grow up, spending weekends with my family, how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life. I don’t always show it as much as I should but I love the so much, I don’t think they will ever know how grateful I am for them. I started¬†the 100 happy days on my Instagram which helps too.i also keep myself busy drawing, reading, and now blogging.¬†

I have lived with this for over 10 years. Some days are worse than others. I can’t imagine life without it, which I know is a strange thing to say but I have accepted that it is a part of my life.

For anybody going through a similar thing just remember.. you may suffer from depression or anxiety but IT DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE.. YOU ARE NOT YOUR ILLNESS. I think that can be applied to any illness really but I feel it is am important message. 

One last thing.. always remember.. ITS OKAY TO TALK. 

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Thanks for reading.. I know this was quite long so well done if you got this far

 As always any thoughts or comments are welcome 

This was difficult for me to write but I felt it needed to be said.

x

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